The following provide some general tips for resolving conflicts:

1. Stop whatever you are doing before you react.

2. Stay calm (focus on even breathing).

3. Listen. Listen. Listen.

4. Focus on the other person’s emotions.

5. Attempt to understand what the other person is feeling.

6. Avoid asking questions beginning with “WHY”.

7. Use open questions to gather all the information related to the conflict.

8. Use paraphrasing and summarizing to really understand what the other person is telling you. When you do this and they respond by saying “RIGHT”, “EXACTLY”, “YES”, or some similar word than you know you are understanding them.

9. Walk a mile or two in their shoes before you present your viewpoint.

10. When you are mediating a conflict involving two or more people with differing views repeat the above 9 steps for each party. When you reach step #8 have each party paraphrase and summarize the other party’s views.

11. If possible put some rest time in between the previous 10 steps and step #12.

12. Prepare what you want to say.

13. Present your view assertively (not passively and not aggressively).

14. Ask the other person to summarize your view to ensure that you have been understood in the same way you understood them.

15. Have each person list 3-4 possible solutions, or brainstorm as a group. At this time all solutions are to be accepted equally with no attempt to value or judge them.

16. From #15 each person chooses the two solutions that he/she feels best meets the needs of both parties.

17. Discuss the solutions identified in #16 in an attempt to clearly understand them and to resolve any concerns.

18. Choose the solution that best meets the needs of everyone.

19. Set a plan of action (including timelines) to implement the solution.

20. Meet periodically to review the plan of action and if necessary make adjustments in it to ensure it continues to meet the needs of everyone involved.